Does Casual Sex Make Us Miserable? Here's What the Science Has to Say.
Does casual sex really make us miserable? Some science suggests so, but there's much more to the story than meets the eye.
Casual sex can be really depressing.
There aren’t many things in life that can hit you right in the feels, quite like the aftermath of a casual sex experiment that didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped. What do I mean by that? I’ll speak for myself and say that a lot of times I’ve explored casual sex adventures, I was chasing certain feelings that didn’t come to fruition when my hookup was complete. I wanted closeness, intimacy, and, perhaps, even a fleeting glimpse of love on a deep level.
Instead, I often ended up with a sinking feeling of worthlessness or depression. In the past, casual sex has sometimes been a wonderful experience where I felt like I connected with someone amazing — but, sometimes, it’s also been the kind of experience that left me wondering, “Is this it? Is this all I’m good for?”
Casual sex reminds us of our place. It reminds us that we haven’t found someone to settle down with, and it sometimes brings us back to the cold, harsh feeling of complete unlovability. It’s like a drug that covers up the pain momentarily, only to wear off and leave us feeling the agony sevenfold once it’s gotten out of our systems.
In casual sex, we get a brief reprieve from our questions of self-worth, from our nagging voice that reminds us that we’re still single — and likely to stay that way — and from our sexual-physical disconnect with the world, but when the temporary fix wears off, the pain usually hurts worse.
One-night stands are a bit like stale corn chips. On the outside, everything appears just right. But the moment you take a bite out of it, you quickly realize that something is a bit off. It might have all the usual delicious flavors of a regular corn chip, but you come to find out the texture is different the moment it crumbles in your mouth.
But on the flip side, casual sex can be mesmerizing, especially if we have it with friends or people we genuinely care about — and we know and respect our emotional limits.
So what gives? What makes the difference between good sex with friends and strangers and bad sex with friends and strangers?
Fortunately, science has clarified things for us so we can finally figure out what we want and how to make our casual flings the best they can possibly be.