Study Uncovers Which Kinds of Threesomes We Love the Most
Would you rather have two men or two women?
Threesomes are like snowflakes: no two are alike, each one is special, and they come in different shapes and sizes.
Threesomes are a fantasy of millions of people. Just how common? According to research from Dr. Justin Lehmiller, published in his book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How it Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, threesomes are the most common sexual fantasy out there.
Of all the things people think about when they close their eyes and envision themselves swept away in a current of sexual ecstasy — when they fantasize with abandon — the most typical situation envisioned is the ménage à trois.
Our psychology affects our desires in sex, and threesomes are no exception.
Different people have different ideas of what threesomes should be like. Some people want their threesomes to resemble the wildest positions shown in porn movies. In contrast, others want to take it slow, keeping things vanilla while basking in the sensuality of the experience.
Some people report being drawn to the overwhelming sensations possible with multiple people, while others find a thrill in the simple fact that they’re doing something taboo. Some people want to have threesomes with friends and people they know well--people they feel comfortable with.
Others want to have sex with strangers, finding themselves powerfully aroused by the thought of NSA sex with people they don’t even know.
Talk about breaking social conventions.
The most obvious question about threesomes is the question of dynamics. Would you rather have two men and one woman, two women and one man, or a different combination? Different people have different ideas of not only what’s preferable—but what’s acceptable.
A 2017 study by Ashley Thompson et al. sought to explore the interests and attitudes of young adults when it came to mixed-gender threesomes. Mixed-gender threesomes are threesomes that involve more than one sex or gender. These dynamics can be either two men and one woman (MFM) or two women and one man (FMF).
The research team wanted to figure out what we want from a threesome dynamic and who wants what specifically.
While some findings are admittedly entirely predictable, others may downright surprise you.
While only 14% of the participants reported having threesomes, 64% reported an interest in having a threesome in the future.
It should come as no secret that men are more interested in threesomes than women. And men and women differed on whom they preferred to have their threesomes with.
Here’s a surprise. As counterintuitive as it may seem, men were much more likely to report wanting to have threesomes with friends and lovers. Men are more likely to want to share their romantic partners with others than women. Women preferred being the third wheel invited into a preexisting arrangement with people they aren’t close to, irrespective of sex or gender.
But what about the mixed-gender dynamics?
Predictably, men really like the idea of having a threesome with two women. Men were about twice as likely to report wanting to have a threesome with two women simultaneously than women were to say wanting to have a threesome with two men at the same time.
But get this.
Men and women were about equally likely to want a threesome with two men. Men even reported wanting to have MFM threesomes slightly more than women, meaning men are more likely to want a threesome than women, no matter the dynamic.
Researchers gave the participants a 1-7 scale to rate how desirable different types of threesomes were, with 1 being opposed to the idea of a threesome and 7 signifying oh-yes-I-want-it-give-me-the-threesome-now.
Women averaged a 3.2 score on the 1-7 scale, while men averaged a 4.3 score.
Men scored a 5.1 when asked if they wanted to have a threesome with two women and a 2.7 when asked if they wanted to have a threesome with themselves, another man, and a woman. Out of every dynamic type, women were the least excited about having a threesome involving a man and another woman, scoring a 2.5 on the 1-7 scale, while scoring slightly higher, a 2.6, when asked how they felt about a threesome with two men and themselves.
Men’s interest in a threesome with two women (FMF) is double women’s interest in a threesome with two men (MFM).
And who’s having threesomes varies, too, with men mostly reporting engaging in threesomes while women tended to leave it as a fantasy. 24% of men and 8% of women told researchers they’d already had a threesome, so about three times as many men have had threesomes as women.
26% of the participants reported having both types of threesomes, both MFM and FMF, while FMF was the most popular activity for real-life sex, with 51% of respondents saying they had only FMF threesomes. Only 17% said they had engaged in threesomes with two men, MFM.
So, what’s your favorite dynamic? Or, if you haven’t had any experience, what types of threesomes do you fantasize about the most? Do you have any preferences?
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I highly recommend checking out Dr. Lehmiller’s book, Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How it Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, a deep investigation into the science of our sexual fantasies.
You can find it on Amazon here.
Full disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, and as an Amazon Associate, I may make a small commission through any sales that come from them.