How Has the COVID-19 Pandemic Impacted Our Sex Lives?
Recently published studies show both sexual resilience to external stressors and the impact of COVID-19 on our sex lives.
As the COVID-19 pandemic took hold, it upended our daily lives. Here in America, we had a run on toilet paper in early 2020. It was nearly impossible to get toilet paper for many people for several months. We’ve dealt with gas shortages, food shortages, and energy shortages over the course of the last couple of years. But what about sex shortages?
Have you stopped to wonder how COVID-19 has impacted our sex lives?
I mean, obviously, you know how COVID has impacted your personal sex life, but what about everybody else?
In a sane world, conversations about sex are a part of the wider conversation about our response to the pandemic. We’ve debated everything from kids wearing masks to homeschooling, work-from-home situations, and beyond, but scant attention has been given to how all of this might impact our sex lives.
If there was anywhere we could observe the deleterious effects of the pandemic, and its attendant social distancing requirements, it would be in our sex lives.
Fortunately for us, it’s science to the rescue.
Researchers have not only detailed our sexual frequency but also our sexual quality and overall sexual health.
And while this may be hard to believe, at least some news is quite good.
A lot of research has been conducted about the effects of the pandemic, with social distancing measures, lockdowns, and masks, all of which have told a wonderful tale of the flexibility and resiliency of human sexuality.
Fewer Sexual Partners
A recently published study looked at the sex lives of men who have sex with men between February and July 2020, right as the pandemic was on its upswing. The purpose was to uncover what, if any, effects the pandemic had on sexual behavior, mental health, and substance use among men who have sex with men.
The study covered men from a variety of backgrounds and ethnicities and found that rates of depression and alcohol use remained unchanged as the pandemic roared into action.
What changed was the number of sexual partners, with men reporting an average of 2.6 fewer sexual partners than pre-pandemic, which researchers chalked up to men taking precautions to avoid catching COVID-19.
Mixed Responses
A more in-depth study on the sex lives of LGBTQ individuals found that people who weren’t living with a partner, friend, or roommate, and those who didn’t have a partner or spouse, had less sex as the pandemic unfolded, while those with a partner, spouse, or roommate tended to have more, however, everyone was less likely to report two or more sexual partners, showing that people took heed to public health warnings and were willing to shelve multipartner play.
Sexual Resilience
Another study evaluated a slew of different components that go into our sex lives and came up with some interesting results. This study looked at the sex lives of both women and men and asked them about their sexual functioning (ability to achieve arousal or erection, ability to achieve orgasm, etc.) and sex habits during the course of the pandemic.
These data were collected between May and June 2020, also during the height of the pandemic, with maximum lockdowns in effect.
What’s interesting about this study is that it represented people from all over the world, many countries, and every continent except for Antarctica.
Then they collected more data three months later, between August and November 2020 to see how things had changed.
Participants reported a slight uptick in sexual behavior, both partnered sex and masturbation, and a slight improvement in sexual functioning for women. Overall, sexual health and relationship satisfaction remained unchanged, and the slight changes in sexual functioning barely moved the needle. The study authors concluded:
Aspects of sexual health and relational satisfaction did not sufficiently change across time points to be considered meaningful health outcome changes. Given that minimal disruptions were noted in pre-COVID-19 to COVID-19 sexuality, these results highlight the potential resiliency of individuals’ sexuality when facing sudden changes in their daily lives.
In other words, even if our regular lives were upended, people found a way to make their sex lives work. This gives me a shred of hope for the human race.
Sex, Stress, & Romance
However, another study just released spelled out a different story, one not so succinct and comforting. What researchers found was that some people did have trouble with their during the COVID-19 pandemic.
The intensity of the problem they had, in sexual functioning, which caused a drop in romantic functioning, which caused a rise in conflict between couples, was dependent upon the amount of social isolation perceived. COVID-19 served as a stressor that caused a cascade of other effects. The external stressor disrupted sexual functioning, reducing ability to orgasm, sex drive, and sexual satisfaction; which in turn disrupted romantic connection, which caused irritation and conflict between couples, which caused individual problems like depressive symptoms and a lack of vitality.
The study was a multi-wave study that checked back with partners several times over a series of months, so it’s probable this study design allowed it to catch a lot of people who were having problems that the others didn’t cast a wide enough net to catch.
What they didn’t control for, however, is very important. COVID-19 causes erectile dysfunction. The SARS-CoV-2 virus wreaks havoc on your circulatory system and causes numerous disruptions in sexual functioning among COVID-19 survivors (I’ve covered this here).
So if the hypothesis is that the external stressor caused a disruption in sexual functioning that caused a chain reaction of negative effects, it didn’t control for which people had gotten COVID-19 and those who hadn’t.
The initial catalyst of all the problems, an impact on sexual functioning, could’ve been a result of COVID-19 infection and not of social isolation.
The data are conflicted on this, and I think it depends on who you are. A study in Germany found that relationship satisfaction was both improved and hampered by the COVID-19 pandemic, depending on who you are.
But the study authors were certain to note that the pandemic has made an impact on our relationships — although relationships and sex aren’t the same things.
Takeaways
And this might be the big takeaway: that the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on your sex life and relationship quality might depend on the quality of your relationship and the fabric of the connection you’ve built with your partner.
The pandemic might have widened preexisting divides in some people and helped solidify new bonds in others, with a lot of different socio-economic, personal, and even political factors playing a role in who felt what.
It might also depend on your resiliency and willingness to think outside the box to make your sex life work. After all, we’ve seen sex orgies take place on Zoom that featured up to 100 people, so some people have obviously made it a priority to not let their sex lives slip during this once-in-a-lifetime pandemic.
Whatever is happening in your sex life, all of this research shows me that you have some amount of control over it and at least the potential to show incredible resiliency in the face of all sorts of crazy obstacles.
What can this teach us about how sex is impacted by our work lives or by having children in the home? What can it teach us about the possibilities for robust sex lives in our long-term relationships? I think it alludes to quite a lot, namely, that we arguably have a lot more control over our sexual health and well-being than we give ourselves credit for.
Has COVID-19 impacted your sex life?
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Three books I recommend checking out:
Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life
A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the Internet Tells Us About Sexual Relationships
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