A friend once said 9 out of 10 people masturbate, and the tenth person is a liar. She was right, masturbation is one of the first things we learn to do in the womb. This curiosity continues with us through toddlerhood, childhood, and adulthood. But somewhere in our formative years, we learn that self-pleasuring is wrong.
Growing up, I remember the shame around masturbation and sex. I remember how adults tiptoed around the subject claiming the slightest knowledge would destroy our innocence.
I remember how religious instructors preached that our bodies were temples that housed God and masturbation would threaten that union.
Despite these teachings, my childish mind couldn’t comprehend how something that felt so good was so wrong. But soon guilt and shame kept me in check. This is where my self-hate began.
We all have stories that follow this same narrative. Stories that taught us shame and guilt and consequently made us detached from ourselves and healthy sexuality.
If we’re to improve in any way, we have to remove the stigma around masturbation. By understanding how masturbation translates to self-love and how it impacts our overall health our journey is made easier. So read on to find out.
How masturbation can improve your sex life
It is believed that masturbation destroys the sex drive and desensitizes the penis and clitoris. However, studies show that women who masturbate have higher sex drives and stronger pelvic muscles. And men who masturbate are more sexually aroused and show fewer signs of erectile dysfunction.
This is attributed to the increase in circulation to the erectile tissues present in the penis and clitoris. More circulation goes down there, the more pleasurable the orgasm and the better the sex. In short, if you want better orgasms, masturbate more.
Masturbation can also help prevent clitoral and vaginal atrophy. A condition where the clitoris and vagina stop responding to sexual arousal due to inadequate blood flow to the regions. So ladies keep the clitoris and vagina active or risk losing it.
Modern problems require modern solutions.
Researchers have shown that the same regions in the brain that flare up during sex flare up during masturbation, which means you get the benefits of sex without losing or risking everything. This comes in handy when sex drives in men and women differ for reasons such as stress, hormones, exhaustion, etc.
Another misconception is that frequent masturbating will reduce interest in partner sex; this can’t be further from the truth because masturbation can’t replace sex. The is so much at play during sex that doesn’t happen during masturbation like noise, scent, connection, and body fluids.
In cases where people replace partnered sex with masturbation, there is usually a deeper underlying reason like communication problems, intimacy issues, deep-rooted shame, etc. Masturbation, like porn, is often used as a scapegoat when people can’t face the real issue. Read more on why some people get addicted to porn while others don’t?
How masturbation ties to self-love
Masturbation is not only about releasing sexual tension. It’s also a form of self-care studies have shown that frequent ejaculation decreases the chances of prostate cancer –that’s right your right hand can save your balls and your life.
Masturbation can also help regulate stress and anxiety. During an orgasm, the body releases a cocktail of hormones such as oxytocin (the cuddle hormone), dopamine (the feel-good hormone), and serotonin (the hormone that stabilizes mood). They all work together to keep you grounded.
If you have trouble sleeping, masturbation is a perfect sleeping aid. After climaxing, the hormones vasopressin and oxytocin relax the body so as to fall asleep faster. While hormones norepinephrine and serotonin ensures you stay asleep by helping the body get into the REM sleep cycle.
Masturbation can also be used as a pain reliever. During climax, endorphins travel through the blood to opioid receptors in the brain where it decreases pain and boosts pleasure. So instead of popping a painkiller, entice your body to produce its own opioid.
After reading about all these benefits it must be empowering to know the solution to most problems is just a fingertip or a hand away, this begs one to wonder when masturbation is considered excessive.
When is masturbation too much?
There is no universal way to gauge the normal range of masturbation because there are many factors involved, like sex drive, gender, stress, libido, age, chronic illness, etc.
However, you can determine whether masturbation is excessive based on how it affects you personally. For example, if it’s compulsive to the point that it’s affecting your everyday life, that’s a sign.
A sign that your masturbating habit is masking an issue that you need to face. See, masturbation wasn’t intended to be used as a crutch; it is nature’s way to cultivate self-love and self-care. As soon as the underlying problem is worked upon you can receive the full benefits of masturbation.
Thanks for reading. I’m Dona Mwiria. You can read more from me by signing up for my Medium email list here or subscribing to my personal Substack here.
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If you enjoy this you might like to read:
Why Moaners, Groaners, and Screamers are the Best Women to Bed on Medium.
I agree with the author, based on my own experience with masturbation and how positive a sexual practice and outlet I have found it to be. I love to masturbate and celebrate masturbation in my daily life.