Research Shows “Cuckold” Relationships Are Going Mainstream
Cuckold fantasies and relationships have been on the rise in recent decades. Let’s explore the dynamics and data.
Back in 2012, “cuckold” was the 2nd most popular search term for internet porn. The only term that topped it was “youth.” And the popularity of “cuck” fantasies and relationships has only grown since then.
According to data from Pornhub, the largest porn company in the world, “swapping” and “swap” were two searches that made serious headway in 2021, gaining a staggering 170% over 2020. So much for social distancing.
This increase continued a trend from 2020, which saw “swinger” and “swinging” rise 127% over 2019.
Some research suggests that cuckolding is becoming the “new swinging,” with Dr. Justin Lehmiller Ph.D., a Sexologist for the Kinsey Institute and author of Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How it Can Help Improve Your Sex Life, suggesting this might be the case.
Between 2006 and 2015, internet searches for swingers substantially declined, while internet searches for polyamory, especially cuckolding, have increased.
What is Cuckolding Really?
There’s cuckolding, and then there are a lot of different relationship dynamics that resemble cuckolding. I’ve covered those idiosyncrasies in great detail (link at the bottom). In short, cuckolding is when one partner in a couple engages with sex outside the primary relationship.
Cuckolding tends to have underlying themes of humiliation and BDSM — it plays heavily on power dynamics. The prominence of power themes depends on those doing the deed.
Cuckolding can be slang for any relationship where the woman has sexual experiences outside the relationship with the man’s blessings.
Cuckolding reverses traditional gender roles, making the woman the powerful figure unleashing her carnal sexual appetites while the man gives his blessings.
Cuckolding takes a lot of different forms. It’s grown up since the 1990s. What used to be the act of someone watching their partner have sex with someone else (usually outside the relationship) has grown into a fascinating array of multisensory styles of lovemaking and sex sharing.
The Use of Technology
These days, thanks to the ubiquitousness of digital technologies, a wife might go out to dinner with a partner who isn’t her boyfriend or husband. The two might rent a hotel for the night and have sex, recording a video for the boyfriend or husband who waits at home to experience the act recreated in digital form.
Next time, the woman involved might show up at the other man’s house and have sex with him in his bed, but instead of recording a video, she might record only sound instead, to deprive her husband of witnessing the act with his eyes.
We all know how visual men are when it comes to sex. Men love to see their partners, and men who enjoy cuckolding love to see their partners in the act with other men. The psychological impact of this is profound.
It eschews the sense of sight and prioritizes the sense of sound, kind of like people who blindfold each other during sex. This is transformative in multiple ways. We’ve evolved to rely primarily on our sense of sight for navigation and survival. By inverting the senses, we give priority to an entirely different experience that lights up a completely different region of the brain.
And being deprived of the sight of the sex itself, the waiting partner is forced to rely on his imagination and curiosity, which, for people who enjoy it, can cause immense arousal and enhance the sex lives between the partners.
Another rising trend is among hotwives who go out with their studs and come home late at night, bringing back a — ehem — mess in their underwear. That mess is her partner’s semen after their sex session.
Her lover climaxes inside her, and she immediately puts on her panties, and (hopefully) after saying their goodbyes, she rushes home to greet her husband with soaking underwear.
The husband or boyfriend might gaze at the aftermath of her recent conquest, or he may dive in headfirst and lick it, giving her oral sex freshly after she had sex with another man. This is how the couple prioritizes the senses of smell and taste over that of sight.
For more on the psychology of cuckoldry, hotwifing, and more, check out the link at the bottom of this story.
The Research
Some research shows that all of these kinks and quirks may positively affect these couples’ relationships. Men who report cuckolding fantasies usually report positive experiences.
The underlying psychological mechanisms for why people do this are many. Some people get off on the idea of doing something racy or taboo, breaking the rules, challenging stereotypes, and establishing their own sexual customs.
Research conducted by Dr. Lehmiller, along with David Ley Ph.D. and famous sex columnist Dan Savage, explored the uncharted territory of cuckolding among gay men. They specifically investigated the psychology of cuckolding among gay men. And while gay and straight men enjoyed cuckolding for mostly the same reasons, some curious differences emerged.
Gay men were much less likely to have interracial or BDSM fantasies with their cuckolding relationships than straight men. This suggests that the taboos of BDSM and interracial sex aren’t as prominent in the gay community as they are among heterosexual men, confirming the motivation to transgress social norms.
For others, it’s the feeling of compression.
What’s compersion? Compersion is almost the opposite of jealousy. Jealousy stems from sexual possessiveness and the belief that our partners’ bodies are like property to us. Compersion is the celebration of the sexual experiences of someone we love that don’t involve us.
A Bizarre Twist for Diversity & Inclusion
Cuckolding might also be the most all-inclusive sex act or fantasy in American life. Sex is inextricable from politics. White Evangelical Conservatives are the most frequently underrepresented group in sex communities and sex research alike.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller, Kinsey Institute Researcher of sexual science, said on his Sex and Psychology Podcast that poly and kink communities are some of the most diverse places on earth.
A 2019 study used the data from Ashley Madison and combed through subscribers’ voter affiliation. Libertarians and Republicans made up the lion’s share of users looking for extra-marital excursions.
Even though the study didn’t focus exclusively on cuckolding, they did find that their “results provide support for theories arguing that people with stricter sexual attitudes are paradoxically more likely to engage in deviant sexual behavior.”
The world was rocked when Jerry Falwell Jr., the head of Liberty University and ultra-right-wing Christian conservative, opened up about his cuckold relationship after the details were leaked to the media. Short version: he liked to watch his wife have sex with the pool boy.
Conservatives aren’t exempt from cuckolding relationships. The power-play involves undertones involving social hierarchies, usually jibes with their worldviews. In a sense, cuckolding may be a conservative fantasy of sorts, one where they get to step into a different role from the one they envision themselves in during everyday life.
Make no mistake: in public, conservatives are adamantly against cuckolding and other relationship dynamics that don’t fit the status quo mold. There was an immense backlash from conservatives when Dr. Lehmiller and Ley published an article in CNN reporting the positive findings from their cuckolding experiences.
Fox News trashed the network and the research (predictably).
The consequences are still high for owning up to such an act in conservative communities.
Florida man Scott Janke was fired from his job in Fort Meyers Beach when his superiors found out his wife, Anabela Mota Janke, was a “mature” adult film actress sleeping with other men under the name Jazella Moore. She had Scott’s full permission, of course. But this didn’t matter to his superiors, and he got canned nonetheless.
Nonetheless, conservatives are dabbling in cuckold fantasies and experiences behind the scenes. More than that, many conservatives are soaked head-to-toe in each. This speaks to the universality of the fantasy and how desirable it is among men.
Threesomes are the most common sexual fantasies Americans have. So it’s no surprise that cuckolding, which breaks down traditional social norms and challenges orthodoxy by transgressing several taboos at once, would be popular — even if it’s quietly popular for some.
I wish to live long enough to see a world where we no longer have to hide our sexualities from each other. I hope to wake up someday and look around to find a world where people feel safe expressing who they really are, what they really like, and what they really fantasize about.
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