Science Explores How to Have Enjoyable Anal Sex
Science investigates how to maximize anal enjoyment
Throughout my life, I’ve often been mesmerized by the various expressions of human love. It’s beautiful.
I’ve routinely found myself in awe over the multitudinous ways we show our affection for others. It’s stunning that we experience such profound, rich feelings of affinity.
Anal sex has always puzzled me. Ever since I was a young boy and heard about people using their backsides for sex, I’ve been thoroughly perplexed.
Then I got older and saw it in porn for the first time.
I’m sure my jaw hit the floor.
It seems so counterintuitive.
Using that part of our bodies to derive sexual pleasure or express sexual attraction seems so backward. Yet, humans have naturally done so for tens of thousands of years (and maybe more).
Unfortunately, before contemporary times, humans had no idea what they were doing. Most sex acts — regardless of the act — were forced on people for a long time in human history.
Thanks to the progress of secular institutions and the immense body of knowledge bestowed upon us through science and philosophy, the average thirteen-year-old boy understands more about sex than the smartest people in the world did only a century ago.
Despite its reputation, anal sex can be mutually enjoyable for both partners if it’s done right.
You’ve probably heard the key to enjoying anal sex is to relax and go slow.
While this is true, science has recently uncovered surprising factors we don’t consider that play a role in anal sex satisfaction.
What Makes Anal Sex Satisfying?
A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2020 explored what made a first-time anal sex encounter satisfying for all parties involved.
Researchers asked 6,401 young gay and bisexual men about their first-time anal sex experiences: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
While the study focused on gay and bisexual men, there’s a lot of juicy information that applies to heterosexual people.
They used a five-point scale to assess the participants’ levels of satisfaction. They didn’t just measure physical satisfaction. They measured emotional satisfaction as well.
First, there was a remarkable disparity between physical satisfaction and emotional satisfaction. 70% said they were physically satisfied with their encounter, while only 52% said they were emotionally satisfied.
This is significant.
Researchers also asked about the relationship between the partners. Were they hooking up with a friend or in a long-term relationship? The choices were boyfriend/significant other, dating partner, domestic spouse, friend, and stranger.
Lastly, participants were asked if they had anal sex with that same person after the first time. Was it a one-night stand?
When the results were tallied, the findings were intriguing.
Anal & Vaginal Sex
The researchers noted the parallels between anal sex satisfaction and vaginal sex satisfaction explored in other studies. With both anal and vaginal sex, most people had a good experience.
We found that overall rates of satisfaction were relatively high, with more than half of men reporting that their first anal sex was emotionally satisfying and more than two-thirds reporting it was physically satisfying. This is consistent with research on first vaginal intercourse in adolescence, which has also found relatively high rates of satisfaction or positive consequences.
This makes me wonder if the dissatisfaction with anal sex we often hear women talk about has to do with sexist aggression, though I have no data on this. It’s not that anal sex is inherently horrible. There’s likely a factor of sexual relations at work.
That or heterosexual men are significantly more inexperienced with anal sex.
Relationship Status and Its Discontents
It turns out that relationship status is essential for enjoying anal sex.
The study found that people in a relationship with their partner reported markedly more emotional satisfaction. People who had first-time anal sex with strangers reported significantly less emotional satisfaction, even if they experienced physical pleasure.
This tampered down with age. The older people get, the less likely they would be emotionally dissatisfied with anal sex with strangers.
Researchers suggested this is because sex outside a long-term or committed relationship dynamic becomes more acceptable from our mid-twenties onward.
I hypothesize relationship expectations play a role, as well.
When you’re young, you’re naive enough to believe your relationship will be perfect and last forever. As you get older, you learn that the perfect fairy tale romance isn’t necessary for happiness.
People were (understandably) less satisfied with one-night stands than with sexual experiences that continued after their first time.
Age also played a role.
People were less satisfied if there was a significant age disparity between partners. Study authors theorized this might stem from the anxiety of an inexperienced partner trying something new with an experienced partner.
The majority of men reported satisfaction across all ages; satisfaction was less likely for men who had first anal sex with a non-relationship partner, an older partner, or a partner they had sex with only once…this was particularly true at earlier ages. Findings suggest…relationship context can be important in predicting satisfaction, particularly at younger ages.
By “younger ages,” they mean late teens and early twenties.
I regularly see people talk about how to improve sex. They discuss the mechanics, the positions, the toys, the atmosphere — you name it.
But how often do we discuss the nonphysical things that go on inside our hearts and brains?
I think our focus is in the wrong place much of the time. I’m not saying that advice about using lubricant and going slow isn’t valuable. But I’m saying there’s a noticeable lack of discussion about the role of connection in sexual satisfaction, especially regarding anal sex.
Could this be the key many people are missing? I think so.
Joe, I love reading your thoughtful take on anal sex. And connection is vital for me, especially in anal where there is the distinct possibility of pain.