Study Highlights the Importance of Relationship Quality on Women’s Orgasms
Relationship quality is one factor that influences women’s ability to orgasm.
There’s been a lot of chatter about the orgasm gap the last few years. There have also been a lot of hurt feelings. The topic has separated the professionals from the amateurs. Some guys reflexively cringe whenever someone suggests they might not be blowing women’s minds every time they hop in the sack.
Science discussing the orgasm gap goes as far back as the 1990s when it was referenced in the book The Sexual Organization of Society: Sexual Practices in the United States. The book responded to a 1992 study that noticed a discrepancy between men and women.
The History of the Gap
In a later study titled Variation in Orgasm Occurrence, researchers found a gap in the number of orgasms, with men having orgasms 85.5 percent of the time to women’s 61.6 percent for heterosexual participants. This means that for the 23.9 percent gap, men were doing their job 61.6 percent of the time.
More recent studies have explored the issue in greater detail.
A study titled Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample found that the rates of usually always reaching climax differed by sexual orientation.
Heterosexual women have markedly fewer orgasms than bisexual women, who have noticeably fewer orgasms than lesbians.
We believed the leading cause of the gap was that most women require clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm. People theorized everything from piss-poor sex education that didn’t teach boys about women’s anatomy to lazy dudes who wouldn’t put in the work needed to please their partners in bed.
Two solutions proposed were to extend the duration of sex and tell men to provide more clitoral stimulation.
But these solutions didn’t rub our buttons.
Science has uncovered a lot of surprising details about the orgasm gap. I’ve written about many of them extensively. There’s a link between the number of sex acts and the orgasm gap. There’s a link between the anal sex and the orgasm gap. There’s a link between intimate connection and the orgasm gap.
Relationships & Orgasms
A recent study has highlighted the importance of relationship quality on women’s orgasms. The study explored why women have difficulties reaching orgasm during partnered sex.
The study looked at several variables, including relationship satisfaction, communication, and sexual satisfaction, when analyzing orgasm patterns.
Researchers found that women in high-quality relationships were more likely to orgasm during sex than women in low-quality relationships.
Low relationship satisfaction, personal issues like anxiety, stress, inadequate arousal time before penetration, and fights with their partners were linked to women having orgasmic difficulties and not feeling that rush of orgasmic pleasure.
The authors highlighted a nefarious circle, the circle of many dead bedrooms worldwide.
The cycle goes like this…
The man starts doing things that stress and annoy his partner. In turn, she feels a lack of sexual desire, a lack of feeling desired, and a lack of sexual inhibition. She feels like she can’t be herself in front of her partner, especially in the bedroom. Soon, she’s walking on eggshells and feels like she has to tiptoe around her partner (thanks to strict gender roles!).
The study authors said:
Variance in orgasmic pleasure was most related to partner issues, sexual inhibition/lack of interest and insufficient experience. Overall, partner issues and relationship satisfaction played important roles in attributions for both orgasmic difficulty and orgasmic pleasure.
Women reporting high distress were more likely to cite partner issues and less likely to report general stress/anxiety as reasons for their difficulty.
Eventually, sex becomes completely unsatisfactory before stopping altogether.
I’ve never seen this happen the other way around in my countless hours of research. Even in horrible relationships, men are overwhelmingly still horny and are usually capable of compartmentalizing relationship problems for between four and twenty minutes to enjoy the sex.
These are significant findings, as they provide insight into what factors contribute to a satisfying sexual experience for women. It also helps us, as men, to get inside women's minds and understand what they want and what they need from us as partners.
Men’s Sexual Mastery
There are several things men can do to prioritize the sexual pleasure of women. In these crazy times, with abortion on the chopping block, many women need a boost right now.
And what better way to give women a boost than by giving them orgasms?
Another study titled Determinants of female sexual orgasms was conducted in Finland. Led by Krisztina Havesi, researchers took a deep dive into the intimate sex lives of tens of thousands of people. They found that the type of stimulation provided didn’t play much of a role in women’s orgasm rates. In other words, just stimulating the clitoris is not enough.
You’ll notice that regardless of stimulation, women’s rates of orgasm never topped 70%, while men’s rates of orgasm are almost always over 90%.
The study found that couples who prioritized orgasms had more orgasms than couples who didn’t. I was astonished that many people don’t prioritize orgasms during sex. Granted, prioritizing orgasms can sometimes hurt more than it helps.
If by “prioritizing,” we mean “pressuring her to have an orgasm so he can feel good about himself,” it’s usually more harmful than helpful. This is called “orgasm coercion,” and it’s the bane of women’s sex lives.
But when prioritizing orgasm means caring for and supporting her and her sexual needs, including her ability to reach orgasm, stress levels, and relationship difficulties, we see a very different pattern emerge.
What Makes a Great Lover?
The traits that make a great lover are emergent. This means they aren’t the result of one cause but many, coming together to create something new.
Incredible lovers aren’t born. They’re made. They’ve committed to improving their lives, relationships, and sex skills.
Their erotic lives are never straight-to-penetration sex without foreplay. From back massages to sweet words, from non-judgmental conversations about sex to sexual activities like BDSM, anal, and oral sex, great lovers are masters of prioritizing their partner’s sexual enjoyment.
The best lovers are willing not to embrace one or two of these things, but all of them, dedicating themselves to being beautiful partners in the bedroom.
These things solidify connections, and those connections are the roots upon which the sweet and fruitful trees of human sexuality grow.
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