How Your Birth Order Affects Your Sexuality
Your siblings influence your sexuality. You should go thank them. Or not.
History is full of tough acts to follow. But no other act is tougher to follow than your perfect older sibling. Such was the case with John Wilkes Boothe.
His older brother, Edwin Boothe, has been reduced to a historical footnote. But in the 1850s, Edwin was the heartthrob Justin Bieber of the theater scene. He first rose to fame as one of the most respected Shakespearean actors and became the nineteenth-century equivalent of a millionaire. (And at a time when actors were not the darlings of the art world.)
John —also an actor—reached stardom too. But not for his mediocre acting. He upstaged Big Brother by becoming the nation’s most notorious assassin.
How did one family produce radically different brothers? The answer may lie in their birth order.
Firstborn
The Kama Sutra taught that “love is necessary to satisfy the mind.” So if you are looking for a lover to stimulate your brain, look no further than the firstborn. Research shows the firstborn has a higher IQ — a 1.5-point advantage. They also are more educated and make more money.
The firstborn is used to throwing their brawn around with younger siblings, so they might be more dominant in the bedroom too. 43% of CEOs are firstborn. This bossiness could also stem from getting all their parent’s love before siblings arrived.
All that early childhood pampering means a firstborn’s lovers might have to kneel at their alter. If you don’t believe in firstborn favoritism, just look at the oldest child’s baby book stuffed with mementos. In contrast, each subsequent child’s baby book gets thinner and thinner. (Mom, if you are reading this…that story about losing half my baby book in a flood is dubious…I am on to you.)
But don’t expect a lot of kink in the bedroom from the firstborn. Firstborns exhibit a higher degree of conscientiousness and rule-following. Researchers think this adherence to authority is caused by parents expecting firstborns to live up to higher standards. And if you are a parent, then you probably know that mere exhaustion causes you to ease up on discipline with each subsequent child. (guilty!)
Last-born
If you are the baby in the family, you probably have a few more notches on your bedpost than your siblings. According to a 1992 study of adolescent sibling pairs, Rodgers and Rowe found younger siblings had more sexual partners than older siblings.
Theoretically, it makes sense. While the firstborn must toe the line, the baby of the family lives to overstep it. Unfortunately, research does not support this “wild child” generalization. Extensive studies have not found any correlation between risk-taking and birth order.)
What is true is that last-borns display a higher degree of agreeableness and consequently pursue more empathic careers. More last-borns are humorists, writers, artists, and entertainers. Psychologists are not entirely sure why. One theory is that when roles are filled by other siblings — i.e., the academic, the jock, the philanthropist —the last-born is left with whatever slot is not taken. This can often translate into unorthodox pursuits.
Most interestingly, in study after study, researchers have found a 33% increase in homosexuality if you are a male with older brothers. Research has linked the higher probability of homosexuality to antibodies in a mother’s immune system, which targets a protein made by the Y chromosome. These antibodies build up in the mother’s immune system with each son born.
Middle child
Marcia. Marcia. Marcia. The middle child often gets cast as the whiner, starving for attention. (Famous examples — Kim Kardashian and Donald Trump.) However, according to Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book, the neglected middle child stereotype doesn’t always fit because the middle is the most secretive and complicated. Second-born boys are more likely to go to prison and also more likely to become president. (Actually, I am starting to see the correlation.)
Middle children aim to please their lovers. Because the middle child dethrones the firstborn, middles often become the peacemakers and people pleasers of the family. According to Dr. Catherine Salmon, author of The Secret Power of the Middle Child, being stuck in the middle turns middle-born children into great negotiators.
But if a threesome is your fantasy, the middle child might take the risk and struggle with the consequences. Middles avoid triangulation in personal relationships. Heather McGowan and Elizabeth Beck also found that middles are less likely than other birth orders to cheat in a long-term romantic relationship. 80 percent of middles said they never strayed, compared to 65 percent of firstborns and 53 percent of last-borns.
They also have more platonic relationships. Leman thinks this is because middles go outside the family to get the love and support they were denied as children.
That struggle to find their place in the world has become so prevalent that psychologists have coined a term for it — the middle child syndrome. This might be why middle children have the lowest self-confidence out of any birth order. (Having a psychological syndrome named after us doesn’t help.) So you might have to pay your middle child lover a few more compliments in the bedroom.
Only child
The only child gets pigeonholed into some of the most unflattering stereotypes — selfish, egocentric, and least likely to share their crayons. But research shows having siblings doesn’t make you a nicer person.
According to Dr. Kevin Leman, only children are perfectionists. That perfectionism can spill over to being less tolerant of romantic partners. So just do the dishes with an only child, and you will likely get laid.
And if you are an only child, you might want to think twice about pairing up with another only child. The highest divorce rates occur when an only child marries another only child.
Obviously, these stereotypes paint complicated family dynamics with broad strokes. Siblings differ in age, sex, and number across families. Those inconsistencies have led many researchers to question the validity of birth order theory. Some have even called it bunk and have not found statistical data to support differences.
As the third child of four siblings, I think siblings are kind of like pancakes. The first two never come out as perfect as the third and forth. But that could just be my middle child syndrome/fragile ego talking.
Carlyn Beccia is an award-winning author and illustrator of 13 books. If you enjoyed this article, please share this publication with friends. Wednesday’s article is always free. Sunday’s article is available only for paid subscribers.
Let me know what you think. Do you find any of these dynamics in your family?