Licensed psychotherapist and sex researcher David Ley, Ph.D. discusses threads of anti-sexuality in our society and the problems we face being comfortable with sex
May 25, 2023·edited May 25, 2023Liked by Joe Duncan
Hi Dr Ley and Joe, thanks for this fascinating interview! Great point that even nonreligious folks can be affected by these pervasive anti-sex beliefs. Sex addiction and porn addiction are such widely accepted and unquestioned ideas in our society. I appreciate the comparison to alcoholism and OCD (for the sex compulsions analogy), and how the analogies are just inaccurate and even insulting.
It's also interesting to see how many men who believe they have sex addiction, don't actually have sex, masturbate, or watch porn that much, compared to the average person. And yes, there's a gender bias, isn't it? It is surprising how women masturbating themselves to sleep was somehow not taken as seriously as guys masturbating for physical relief...
My biggest takeaway from this video, was that with a sexually incompatible partner, compromise can work wonders! You're right that we hear a lot about not making yourself do anything you're not into, and not asking your partner to do something they dislike. But yeah, if the uninterested party is willing to do a sex act (assuming it's not too repulsive or discomforting for them), then it makes the other party feel cared for. I like your example of your girlfriend enjoying face-fucking, Joe! It really shows how much gender stereotyping we have on sex acts. I've also heard of the stereotype that women hate penetration, because that is only enjoyable for the guy. But later, I learned that many women do enjoy penetration. Not good to assume someone's sexual preferences based on their gender, after all!
Finally, I found it very reassuring to hear those research studies, on how many guys who enjoy gang bang and rough sex videos, actually care about consent and want the woman to have fun too, and put her on a pedestal, as opposed to treating her like an inferior being. Yeah only guys who are already misogynistic and psychopathic would be roused to sexual violence and assault. It's sort of like that argument about video games causing people to be more violent. Amen to longitudinal studies rather than correlational studies to determine causation!! (As well as the direction of causation.)
Hi Dr Ley and Joe, thanks for this fascinating interview! Great point that even nonreligious folks can be affected by these pervasive anti-sex beliefs. Sex addiction and porn addiction are such widely accepted and unquestioned ideas in our society. I appreciate the comparison to alcoholism and OCD (for the sex compulsions analogy), and how the analogies are just inaccurate and even insulting.
It's also interesting to see how many men who believe they have sex addiction, don't actually have sex, masturbate, or watch porn that much, compared to the average person. And yes, there's a gender bias, isn't it? It is surprising how women masturbating themselves to sleep was somehow not taken as seriously as guys masturbating for physical relief...
My biggest takeaway from this video, was that with a sexually incompatible partner, compromise can work wonders! You're right that we hear a lot about not making yourself do anything you're not into, and not asking your partner to do something they dislike. But yeah, if the uninterested party is willing to do a sex act (assuming it's not too repulsive or discomforting for them), then it makes the other party feel cared for. I like your example of your girlfriend enjoying face-fucking, Joe! It really shows how much gender stereotyping we have on sex acts. I've also heard of the stereotype that women hate penetration, because that is only enjoyable for the guy. But later, I learned that many women do enjoy penetration. Not good to assume someone's sexual preferences based on their gender, after all!
Finally, I found it very reassuring to hear those research studies, on how many guys who enjoy gang bang and rough sex videos, actually care about consent and want the woman to have fun too, and put her on a pedestal, as opposed to treating her like an inferior being. Yeah only guys who are already misogynistic and psychopathic would be roused to sexual violence and assault. It's sort of like that argument about video games causing people to be more violent. Amen to longitudinal studies rather than correlational studies to determine causation!! (As well as the direction of causation.)