Science Exposes Society’s Hidden Role in the Orgasm Gap

We need to talk about society's role in the orgasm gap and our sex lives

Artwork: “Overjoyed” by the author, Joe Duncan

Let’s face it — sex is pretty important. It’s one of the most basic human desires. Along with survival, it’s the most fundamental Darwinian goal of the human species. And for many of us, it’s a considerable part of our identity.

Which is precisely why I’m a proponent of a little concept called universal sexual rights. Sexual rights can mean many things. The concept encompasses an extensive arrangement of preferences, dispositions, and orientations.

Human sexuality is so broad it encompasses everything from biological sex to gender identity, from sexual preferences to our beliefs about life, love, loss, and commitment.

At its core, universal sexual rights are about ensuring that every individual has the freedom and agency to make choices about their sexuality and sexual identity without fear of discrimination, coercion, or violence.

It’s about recognizing that sexuality is a fundamental aspect of human experience, and that every individual is entitled to explore and express their sexuality in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling to them.

To be forced into sexual hiding or sexual roles we’re uncomfortable with is to be inhumanely stripped of a vital part of ourselves. As such, I believe that no conception of human rights is truly complete without sexual rights.

Yet, all too often, society — and its unusual ideas of taboo — stand directly in our paths, refusing us entry into the promised land of sane, consensual, healthy, private sexuality.

The War on Sexuality

The war on women’s reproductive rights and contraception is among the most egregious instances of this occurrence unfolding right now here in America. We rarely question the often-benevolent-on-the-surface propaganda we’ve imbibed since we were in diapers.

Things like the romance myth, the idea that every person has to get married and have children, that monogamy is the only path to healthy, fulfilling relationships, and so much more have surrounded us since our earliest memories.

Unbeknownst to us, we augment those ideas and never question them, and they can have profound impacts on our lives, for better or for worse. One of those impacts is now being explored by modern science — the orgasm gap.

The orgasm gap is one of the most complex and fascinating phenomena we understand today. It’s a pity that discussions about the topic have become so politically charged that most of what you read is mere political propaganda rather than legitimate curious inquiry.

I believe the world would be a much better place if more people approached the things we don’t understand with an open mind and a willingness to learn than we do with scorn and contempt.

This is the orgasm gap in a nutshell: women reach orgasm about 63% of the time during sex, depending on the research, while men reach orgasm between 94% and 98% of the time. When women sleep with other women, this gap lessens, but it never fully goes away.

Heterosexual women have the largest gap, lesbian women have the smallest gap, and bisexual women are somewhere in the middle.

When we compare married couples, people who’ve been coupled for a longer period, orgasm rates are far less, with 87% of husbands consistently experiencing orgasm and 43% of wives consistently experiencing orgasm.

When I first heard of the orgasm gap, I understood the gist of it. Though I was young, knowing a lot less back then than I do now, I knew that America’s sex education was downright pitiful.

But still, I couldn’t help but feel that sense of being attacked.

It’s odd how our emotional reflexes can often run counter to our rational understanding.

I think this is the root of the divisive narrative about the orgasm gap. Men feel attacked, and women feel neglected. And on some level, they’re both right; but on another level, they’re both painfully wrong.

Let’s get some facts out of the way first.