2 Years of The Science of Sex
A quick stroll down memory lane as The Science of Sex's second birthday approaches
The Science of Sex on Substack is coming up on its second birthday in January 2024.
Thank you all who've subscribed, especially the paid subscribers who’ve helped me keep this going. I tell you, it’s a challenge to keep a Substack going and growing for this long, but The Science of Sex seems to do—not without great effort—what I’ve seen countless others fail to do: build a successful Substack.
I say this because I came from Medium, as many of you know. In the nearly two years since I’ve started this publication, I’ve watched countless Medium writers with much larger followings than mine struggle to stay afloat here. Many of you have stuck by me through thick and thin, through health issues, through hurricanes that flooded my entire city back in the United States, and much more.
For this, I am incredibly, unspeakably grateful.
As most of you know, I’ve come to Greece (currently in Crete), where I’ve been living for the past two and a half months. I’ve been digging into a lot of science, a ton of research, ancient sources (in English, Greek, and Latin), and gleaning an abundance of material. I’m currently diving into how we conceptualize love and sex and the impact it has on our lives, reading a lot about pornography, and even overturning some long-running myths about the interplay between human sexuality and pornography.
One work—that I’ve been working on for five long years, since 2020—is finally coming to its conclusion. Originally intended for Medium, it will make its home here, and it’s challenging to even describe what it feels like to work on a piece for five years—most writers can’t work on a piece for five days, let alone five years. But I’m a firm believer that good writing requires a lot of reading.
How can anybody write about something they don’t understand?
Doesn’t make much sense to me.
The Marquis de Sade once wrote, “Your readers will forgive you for anything—except for boring them,” and while I think that statement is just a tad extreme, I think he was onto something.
In the day and age of algorithms and AI, I constantly see people forget that there’s someone on the other side of their writing, someone’s eyes and heart who are paying attention to what they’re saying. I’ve seen countless people throw stuff at the algorithmic wall to see what sticks. I’ve resisted the urge to do this at every turn.
I consider myself lucky that you’re willing to give me a few minutes of your attention at intermittent intervals when I feel like I have something to say.
Writers often turn to me for writing advice and ask how they overcome writer’s block. My answer is always the same: don’t write when you have nothing to say.
I’ve always operated on this principle.
Your time is valuable to me, and it has always been.
In less than 10 days, I’ll be back in the United States, where I’ll resume my more regular publishing schedule (more like publishing on steroids).
For now, I thought it would be cool to take a stroll down memory lane and revisit some of the impactful articles that have been published here over the past two years. Since there have been countless newcomers (literally, thousands of you), I figured it would be a good chance to catch up on where this publication has been and perhaps from that get an idea of where it’s going.
Consider this like a very incomplete “greatest hits” list.
One of the first very popular articles published here was Science Explains Why Men Enjoy Watching Their Partners Have Sex. This article drew heavily upon the works of several leading researchers in the field, especially Dr. David Ley, Ph.D., who was also kind enough to join me on The Science of Sex Podcast to talk about the modern war on free and unhindered sexuality. I wanted to understand what is it about this practice that draws so many people. Relationship dynamics where the woman is free to have sexual experiences with other men besides their primary partners have shot up astronomically recently. What is it that draws people to these dynamics? Turns out, there’s a lot involved, and I explored it in depth.
Yes, Women Are Having Sex. But They’re Having it With Attractive Men explored what really makes many women tick when it comes to attraction. There’s a cultural meme that’s been passed down to us from generation to generation that tells us that women are made instantly horny by men with money. Everyone from Freud to Tony Montana echoed this sentiment. But is it really true? Research indicates that the reality is much more complicated than our consumer-culture myths.
Why is Circumcision so Popular in America? discusses the glaring discrepancy in circumcision rates in America vs. the rest of the world.
No Nut November: the Hands-Off History and Strange Science of Anti-Masturbation covers anti-masturbation ideology from ancient times to now, debunking some rather bunk science along the way.
For The Science of Sex, she’s written some breathtaking pieces, including:
Researchers Asked Over a Thousand Women How They Like Their Genitals Touched
8 Ball-Busting Testicle Myths Men Wish Women Would Stop Believing
Please follow Carlyn’s Substack:
Then there’s Science Exposes Society’s Hidden Role in the Orgasm Gap, where I drew on a number of pieces of research to say what was written between the lines—namely, that the orgasm gap persists even when we remove men from the equation. If it was purely about mechanical knowledge, knowing your way around a woman’s anatomy, you’d expect it to wholly disappear. But it does not. So what gives? It seems clear to me after reviewing the research that there’s an element of shame forced on women when it comes to sex, and that’s just not talked about enough.
A similar article to the one above, Science Uncovers a Fascinating Link Between Anal Sex and the Orgasm Gap, details the messy business of understanding human sexuality in all of its beauty, chaos, and splendor. Anal sex isn’t a magical practice that causes the orgasm gap to vanish instantly, but it’s a proxy for other practices that make sex better for women. I explored the details about those practices in this article.
Science Explains the Top Four Sexual Techniques to Enhance Her Pleasure talks about research that asked women how they masturbate when they’re alone, so humanity could not only better understand the variety of ways women experience sexual pleasure, but also, which techniques are the most popular.
Study Reveals the Two Biggest Predictors of Women’s Sexual Satisfaction covers two things researchers found to be significant to women in the bedroom.
Do Men Really Want Younger Women? Here’s What Science Has to Say. discussed the idea that men automatically want increasingly younger women until we hit the teenage years. But the truth is more complex than this fiction, as our web searches prove.
I Visited an Orgasm Sound Library and Here’s How it Went by
was quite popular.Modern Pornography May Finally Close the “Orgasm Gap” by
discusses some interesting interplay between porn and the orgasm gap.
There have been plenty of relationships articles in the Better Relationships section as well:
What the Dating Lives of Goats Can Teach You About Relationship Expectations covered how we establish relationship expectations and how some of us (like my twenty-something-year-old self) could learn a thing or two about relationships from Italian goats.
Are You Looking for Casual Sex, a Long-Term Relationship, or Something In-Between? covered the “what, whether, and why” framework of how we approach new relationships and what we expect from them.
- published an absolute banger with Does Your Partner’s Sexual History Predict Infidelity? that beat down on so many myths about sexual relationships and infidelity, it’s difficult to even list them.
Some practical advice for anyone thinking about a long-term relationship can be found in The One Sentence Everyone Thinking About a Relationship Needs to Hear.
My recent essay, My Unapologetic Refusal to Sanitize Love, asked some hard questions about how we define love, who gets to define it, and what those definitions mean to us. Can we truly have passion without a hint of danger? Should we sacrifice our passions on the altar of stability?
Relationships: Growing Together or Growing Apart? covered self-expansion in love (i.e., experiencing a ‘glow up’ while in a long-term relationship).
Anyone who experiences jealousy in their relationships might find it worthwhile to check out The Psychology of Human Jealousy, which explores that topic from various angles and fresh perspectives to update what we think we know about jealousy.
Then there are several articles published in Sex in History that have made a splash:
Medieval England’s Secret Police of Sex & Sexuality was a big hit with readers when it first dropped.
As was A History of Oral Sex Part 1: The Western World, which covered oral sex in Ancient Egypt, Greece, and Rome. This article led to a four-part series where I discussed sex in the Bible.
What Does the Bible Really Say About Sexuality? Part 1: The Forbidden Fruit. This one was one of the more popular pieces published here and was certainly the most popular in the series.
The Ancient “Hotwife” Culture Who Loved Wife-Swapping was also wildly popular when it dropped back in 2022.
Then there were quite a few great moments on The Science of Sex Podcast:
Debunking Myths and Disinformation About Pornography Addiction with Dr. Nicole Prause, Ph.D. We discussed the myths and big business of anti-pornography at length.
The aforementioned New Battles in the Modern War on Sex with Dr. David Ley, Ph.D., where we discuss how some in society in the contemporary West are trying to constantly control sexuality and to teach others to do the same.
The Great Diversity of Non-Monogamy with Jonathan Kent, an English journalist who wrote the book A World Beyond Monogamy: How People Make Polyamory and Open Relationships Work and What We Can All Learn From Them. This one had some audio hiccups, but it was still a great interview.
I know I’ve forgotten to mention a few, but this is a massive body of work as it is, and there’s still plenty more to find if you poke around The Science of Sex.
A quick “thank you” to everyone who’s contributed over the years. So many minds and hearts have come together to build this, and for that, I’m thankful.
But most of all, I’m thankful to you, the subscribers.
Time flies when you're having fun. Congrats on the anniversary!
amazing work, another independent researcher that do a lot of work in this space is AellaGirl here's her substack https://aella.substack.com/p/good-at-sex-the-marketplace-of-sex